I read somewhere recently that people come into our lives either for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I also read "Don't make someone your priority who is only willing to make you their option!" The latter hit home with me as the season of what was perhaps the most amazing love relationship of my life has come to a close.
The sting of the pain of this separation was for me very hard to swallow, since there was one profound difference between this and any other closing of a chapter in my life before. Nothing bad happened between us; no ugly words, arguments, betrayal, in fact nothing bad EVER transpired while we were together! This was what perhaps made it so hard to accept that it was over.
No doubt this leaves you asking, "Well then why did it end?" The answer is as complex in its simplicity as it could be. The other party was only divorced less than a year ago, after a long and unhappy marriage. Although he thrives in a monogomous "family" relationship, and although he convinced himself during our relationship that he was ready, he was definitely not ready for what he found.
He found in me a true "match". We not only share religious beliefs, acquaintences, social views, our sense of humor and have VERY similar backgrounds, we were completely compatible and "in sync" in every situation and environment. As an added bonus, we were incredibly sexually compatible, our kids got along tremendously and our level of trust and respect were at their APEX.
What else could there be, right?
Sometimes despite our amazing recognition of how wonderful a relationship is, as women (and as humans) in our efforts to maintain and show our interest and appreciation for our partners, we inadvertently sabotage the very thing we don't ever want to lose.
As relaxed, at ease and "ourselves" as we might be, we lose our ability, due to perhaps learning our lesson in past relationships not to "take people for granted," to let things flow without "directing' silently. We feel the need to meet our partner halfway at every curve, instead of realizing that as men, they would rather walk the extra mile in our direction. Even if things just naturally flow with ease, they really do not want an even playing field, and would really rather be steering the helm at all times. They want to try harder, and they want to work for our attention. Once they work for it, rather than be rewarded by us working in return, they would prefer subtle acknowledgement and then be left to keep working for our next attentions! This goes completely against reason in our minds, since we are certain that by NOT providing enough attention or acknowledgement along the way we have damaged previous relationships. In hindsight, this just isn't so!
We didn't damage a previous relationship by something such as this. Instead, we likely ignored the real and tangible evidence that it was damaged for far greater reasons. There were serious problems that we chose to overlook in our commitment to see things through, or we knew for many years that we had grown apart or were never really matched in the first place, but wanted to finish raising our children, pursuing our careers, or whatever else we sacrificed to stay in our unhappy and unhealthy place! After we let it go, we share the blame by identifying the little ways that we could have not taken each other for granted, rather than acknowledging the huge disservice we did to both of our lives by not severing our ties sooner for much more viable reasons.
They say people come into our lives either for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Sadly the dysfunctional and often VERY long relationships end up being the ones that may be locked into our lives for what seems a lifetime (and sometimes it is), but they are for a REASON...to teach us who we are. Ironic that ones that come for a SEASON can be the more real and deep relationships, but they come on the tailend of our breakups from the dysfunctional, and are often doomed as a result.
A lesson learned: I would like to edit the "Never make someone your priority that is only willing to make you their option" by saying "When you make someone your priority, do it gracefully and in small doses, allowing them to make you theirs rather than keeping you as an option!"
